The Letter of the Law

2/28/2010 8:06PM CST:

For those intended parents who may be seeking an attorney, I cannot say enough great things about Erickson Law in California. The video below gives some great advice.

One thing I've learned in this process is that you absolutely need to have a skilled attorney assist throughout the process.

From Robbie

02/25/2010 11:35PM CST:

A fortune cookie message from Robbie: "Hello. I don't know, I'm not a blogger. I'm very excited, and I don't know... you say something for me..."

Don't Wait So Long to Come Back Next Time...

2/24/2010 11:30PM CST:

Left photo of Mike's parents in a high-tech concentration competition in Pigeon Forge, TN.

The only bad thing about having a great visit is that you quickly miss home and family shortly thereafter. I have to make an effort to much more regularly get back to South Carolina and see my family.

Morning Has Broken - Just Not Here Yet

2/23/2010 10:27PM CST:

First photo of walk to board the tiny plane from Charlotte to Cincinnati. Second photo taken from plane, connection Cincinnati to St. Louis.

Today I woke up at 3:00AM EST/2:00AM CST. I got ready for work, and my parents drove me to Charlotte, NC. I flew to Cincinnati at 6:45AM EST. I caught a connecting flight to St. Louis, and landed at 9:45AM CST. I was picked up by my friend Renee at the airport and driven to work, where I worked a full day until 7:00PM. I am tired.

I had a wonderful visit with my family. I was given a DVD of family Christmas that was shot 20 years ago... Also got an audiotape from the 70's of me as a 2 year old, talking to my parents. Interesting the feelings of loss those stirred up. Glad to be home!

This is the Church, This is the Steeple...

2/22/2010 4:03PM EST:

Left Photo of 10:15AM service at Riverland Hills Baptist Church on 2/21/2010.

Yesterday, at the request of my parents, I attended the worship service at their Southern Baptist church. I did this to be a good son, knowing that it meant far more to them than it would to me. I grew up in this church, although as a child, the location was different, the building was much smaller, and I lacked perspective. These days, their church probably has more attendees on a Sunday than a typical large state university would have on any given day. It now has a full orchestra and a choir that surpasses 100 people. There are three full worship services. Hymns, messages, and camera angles are displayed on mega-screens.

The message of the service was "love" and the "the greatest of these is love." The odd thing was, the entire message was an awkward ramble through abstract sentiment. The message was that love is the most powerful thing, and while faith, communication, and a million other feel-good words were good, they weren't the best feel-good word. The pastor's message was spiritually flat. There was no challenge, no direction to help us nudge ourselves into better living. Just a fortune cookie message to take home with us.

While I was attentive and able to absorb the full message (that didn't require a great deal of concentration), I couldn't help but look around and notice so many things I resented in this institution. I wish I were spiritually mature in times like these. I entered into this exercise of going back to this church with the thought: "I'm sure like any religion, there are wonderful messages I can take, treasure, and use in my own personal growth." Unfortunately, it's tough to find this good when you walk back into a bell closet of spiritual baggage.

Instead, I recognized this place for what it was: spiritual violence. I reverted back immediately to what this place has done to my own life. This church was filled with middle and upper class white suburban families. One black family sat in a rear pew not too far from us. People glanced over their shoulders - they were not welcome. It didn't need to be said. I looked at the preacher, dispensing justification to his flock like a heavy handed pharmacist with a fistful of oxycontin. This church made me hate myself for the first two decades of my life. This church made me view my own life with shame and embarassment. This church estranged me from my mother, my father, and my brother. Our relationships will never be whole again based on the rhetoric this church propogates, which my family continues to embrace. This church makes people believe in forgiveness, not judging, and unending love - but dares people to actually take up these practices. This church made me unhappy through most of my childhood.

Sitting in this building for an hour was an interesting exercise. I recognized that despite the oppression of this institution, I was strong enough to make a life for myself. I would never have thought this was possible as a child that sat there in shame over 20 years ago. I also acknowledged and sat among the people that my own children will struggle against. These are the people who think that global warming is leftist nonsense, that women have no reproductive freedom, that sexual minorities are not entitled to equal rights, that only the priveleged should have health care, that the state should execute criminals, and that someone like me should never have children. These are the institutions and people that will now act as adversaries to my own children's happiness. I never thought I would get so much out of attending a Protestant service again.

There's No Place Like Home - Picture 4

2/21/2010 5:40PM EST:

Left photo of me (Mike).

With work being so busy near the end of the year, and the travel to California in November and January for our surrogacy, this was the first chance I had to celebrate Christmas with my family. Nothing like presents to make coming home all the merrier. T'is the Season (+2 months).

There's No Place Like Home - Picture 3

2/21/2010 5:40PM EST:

Left Photo of Mike's brother Matt and his fiancee Jessica on 2/20/2010.

There's No Place Like Home - Picture 2

2/21/2010 5:40PM EST:

Left Picture of Mike's Mom on 2/20/2010.

There's No Place Like Home - Picture 1

2/21/2010 5:40PM EST:

Left Photo of Mike's Dad from 2/20/2010.

The Long Journey Home

2/20/2010 11:10AM EST:


Left picture of $11 beer at late layover in Atlanta. The beer was a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat. While it was good, it wasn't exactly $11 good.


Made it to my parents' at 2:30AM last night. Glad to be home and well rested now.

Wait a Minute Mr. Postman!

2/18/2010 11:25PM CST:

Left Photo of Valentine's Card received from Mike's Mom and Dad.

So tonight I've spent the evening packing and running errands, preparing to fly to South Carolina for a long weekend. At this point, it will have been over a year since I've traveled to see my family, and the visit is long overdue. I also haven't seen my parents in over a year - shame on me. So tomorrow, I'll work until 5PM, get dropped off at the airport for a 7PM flight, connect in Atlanta, fly on to Charlotte, get picked up by my parents and be driven nearly 2 hours to my hometown of Columbia, SC. I hope to be asleep in Columbia by 2AM. Tomorrow will be a long day indeed.

The picture is the first greeting card we've received that acknowledges our pregnancy. I'm very happy this came from my parents, and I am really looking forward to our visit. It's amazing how much can be packed into a simple one line sentence: "We hope things go well with your recent wonderful news!"

She's Got a Boppy Too?

2/17/2010 10:10PM CST:

Left picture of Ani Difranco with her baby Petah Lucia Difranco Napolitano.

I am beginning to notice of a lot more baby stuff. I smile when we see unruly children playing in the grocery store. I notice every pregnant woman while out in public. I just came across this picture of Ani Difranco shortly after her daughter was born. In the past, it wouldn't have been one of the first things that came to mind, but my initial thought was: "I wonder if she's using a boppy or is that just a pillow? It's tough to tell at this angle."

I Saw the Sign!

2/16/2010 11:15PM CST:

Left Photo of Jessie in San Francisco - Restroom in some restaurant at Fisherman's Wharf.

A week before the transfer, I had a great time hanging out in San Francisco with Jessie for a weekend. After strolling around for a day, we found ourselves at Fisherman's Wharf. Jessie wandered off to the bathroom with my camera and took her self portrait. Neither of us noticed until a few days after the transfer that in the background there is a sign that says "Baby Station." Clearly the camera knew.

Creepy...

Lunar New Year

2/15/2010 1:30PM CST:

Left Photo of last night's Lunar New Year Lion Dance. Happy New Year to our non-Western calendars.

Last night, after the Lunar New Year festivities, I crept home at 20mph down the interstate through a very unexpected snowstorm. Fortunately, I made it in time to be able to spend an hour of the remains of Valentine's Day with Robbie.

Today we booked our travel to California for our 7 week ultrasound. I can't wait to see the ultrasound, but we're equally excited to get a couple of days to hang out with Jessie and Jordin.

What's With All the Gadgets?

2/14/2010 5:10PM CST: Happy Valentine's Day

Left Photo of one of the six aisles at Target in an entire section called "Baby"

Unfortunately for Valentine's Day, both of us have to work for a few hours. So rather than spending the first part of the day alone around the house, I went to the gym, and stopped by Target on the way home.

I had always overlooked the section with the sign hanging over it called "Baby" but was floored to see that it was over six aisles. There are an overwhelming number of boppy's, positioners, swaddling blankets, swaddlers, pacifiers (100's), bibs, onesies, and maybe over 1,000 types of bottles. We have a lot to learn. So, I'm thinking it's time to actually dive in and begin to learn and prepare after the 7-week ultrasound on 3/8/2010. It's already making my head spin.

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane... Again

2/13/2010 11:40AM CST:

Left picture from our first flight to California on 11/28/2009.

Today, I plan to begin to book our trip to California for our 7-week ultrasound. It's hard to think back to only 2 1/2 months ago, when we had our first flight to California to visit with Jessie, and explore the option and move ahead. Since then, I've adjusted to travel halfway across the country, and north-central California has started to become nearly as familiar as St. Louis.

To think back on all that has taken place since this first flight has almost been overwhelming. What an interesting journey.

Note: Still owe a blog entry on the outstanding folks at California IVF, for whom we we are extremely grateful - as soon as I have time to do it justice.

He's Hooked on Crochet (Get it?)

2/12/2010 11:45PM CST:

Left photo of Robbie's current crochet project, scarf made of a frilly, challenging yarn.

Crochet isn't just for grannies anymore. Robbie did a very thorough Spring cleaning of the entire townhouse over the past few days. In doing so, he came across dozens of untouched colors of yarn. So over the past two days, Robbie has become determined to revive our former hobby and to complete a few crochet projects.

It's interesting that Robbie seems to be adapting to this pregnancy by becoming more and more a homebody - a role he will need to become increasingly comfortable with soon. My reaction has been to "tie up loose ends." I have been working on creating some stability, selling our Louisiana house, and trying to learn what we'll need ahead. Our separate efforts should complement each other well, and hopefully blend to make us prepared for what lies ahead.

I'm sure Robbie is fighting the temptation to begin baby projects - blankets, decorating a nursery, and arranging the house for all baby-related accessories. I believe after the comfort of seeing the 7 week ultrasounds, we'll feel ready to be fully submerged in the frenzy of learning and preparing.

Looking back on today: Robbie and I are beginning to plan our travel to California for the 7 week ultrasound. Jessie was not feeling well today. More snow on the way in the next couple of days.

In my next blog I'll have to elaborate on how we are working with the best RE/IVF Center out there. They have made this process so approachable and enjoyable for me, Robbie, and Jess.

Running Up That Hill

2/11/2010 11:10PM CST:

Left photo of tonight's elliptical challenge. Yes indeed, 717 calories and 6.20 miles.

For the better part of the past few weeks, we've had our fingers crossed. We hoped for many follicles, many healthy oocytes, a lot of fertilized eggs, many day 2 embryos, and quite a few healthy day 5 blastocysts. Then we wanted a positive blood test, and then another.

All through the process so far, we had hoped for good health and a successful pregnancy. Now we're facing the next milestone: the 7 week ultrasound. To this point, all of the visions I've had have included one child. These are the first days that I am now beginning to consider the real possibility of multiples. While the thought is endearing, like a Hallmark commercial, my practical side (which is 99% of my brain) cringes. On the other hand, Robbie is jumping up and down at the prospect of twins. He will probably find religion in an effort to sway the universe into making this happen.

Having processed the real possibility for twenty-four hours, I've arrived at this: The most important thing for me is that we have a healthy pregnancy. While I would prefer a singleton in 250 or so days, I know you don't always get exactly what you ask for. With either outcome, we will be delighted.

On a side note: Very weird dream last night. Robbie, Jessie, and I were in a cab the day after she delivered our (singleton) child. The baby was a boy, but it looked like a little old man - not wrinkled like a baby, but frown lines and age spots. The newborn was swearing like a sailor and told a dirty joke. What's that about?

Blood Test Part 2 and Elliptical Machine Zen

2/10/2010 11:20PM CST:

Picture of cul-de-sac in front of our townhouse. One day after snowfall. Note: This photo does not disprove Global Warming - it's just what we call "Winter."

Second blood test results today show that we are indeed quite pregnant, and continuing to progress. In talking to Jessie, it sounds like it probably didn't take a test to confirm that - she's definitely feeling pregnant. Her hunch is twins. My hunch is that it's ok for her to be wrong this time.

For the first time, I am truly enjoying the hour of cardio time at the gym. I am beginning to appreciate that this is perhaps the only time during my day that I am not functioning or producing. It is the only time I am not focused on the present, but instead reflecting on everything in my life. It is likely the only time I spend thinking about my own life, its direction, and its capacity.

It is unfortunate that during this reflection I was bombarded by the TV screen on the elliptical machine. Headlines about Republicans claiming that recent record snowstorms along the east coast were clear proof that Global Warming is leftist nonsense. What an egotistical and self-involved point of view... The notion that the lifetime of a Republican Senator, let alone a five-day weather event, is more than a passing moment in the lifespan of the planet is absurd. The idea that an east coast snow storm, or Hurricane Katrina for that matter, are enough to prove or disprove Global Warming are irrelevant. Long-term climate and atmospheric data has done a sufficient job of moving Global Warming from convincing theory to proven fact. Sensationalized (though often quite unfortunate) weather events are but seconds when compared to the scope of climate change.

For the first time, while watching a moronic Senator bask in the media circus his appalling ignorance created, I could begin to understand concern for a future beyond my life. Today, I could relate to the idea of the "better world for the sake of our children, and our children's children." I find the fate of our planet to be frightening, and our progress in correcting our own destruction has been slow. Our children, and the following generation, will need to be swifter than we've been.

So, looking back one day: Today, something that was always irrelevant sentiment to me became important. For the first time... On a Wednesday night, while sweating for an hour on an elliptical machine, I was concerned for the fate of generations to come.

Is it Monday + 2 Yet?

2/9/2010 11:10PM CST:

Picture of Maddy.

Today we woke up to 6" of fresh snow on the ground. Scenery was beautiful, but traffic was ugly. We now find ourselves facing the same nervousness we did on Sunday night. Wednesday morning makes the second blood pregnancy test. So a positive test tomorrow with blood levels that have doubled or more would make for a decisive pregnancy. We continue to keep our fingers crossed.

Random things to remember if we look back on this one day:

• Saints just won the Super Bowl - Boring Welcome Home parade was today.


• Thought a tattoo of a cartoon penguin sounded like a good idea. File for future consideration.


• Maddy has been especially goofy but adorable for a few days (hence the picture).


• Lowered the price on our house in Louisiana by $10K - I guess we're already nesting to get ready for longer term stability here, and beginning to settle in.

Yeah... We Knew All Along

2/8/2010 7:10PM CST: Confirmed Pregnant.

Left: Ultrasound of the embryo transfer process on 1/31/2010. Top of picture is the bladder, with uterus just underneath. The small white flash towards the center of the uterus is the two embryos as they were being transferred.

Blood test today. We're pregnant! Jessie said just after she found out, "OK, I've been feeling totally pregnant all week, but I didn't want to say anything to get your hopes up!" Thank goodness! That would have made for a stressful week. Just to keep record of where we were when we found out (It's a very pretty story)... We were in the parking lot of Wal-Mart of Chesterfield Commons about to run in and pick up a few groceries. It was snowing, but the roads and parking lot were still fairly clear.

Is it Monday Yet?

2/7/2010 11:55PM CST: We've done surprisingly well at patiently waiting. Beta test will be at 7AM PST tomorrow morning. Tomorrow, we will find out if we seem to be pregnant. I just found a picture of Jessie from the San Francisco trip, and noticed that prominently in the background of the picture is a large sign "Baby Station". I lit one candle for joy at church this morning.

100 Ways to Occupy One's Time...

2/3/2010 11:55PM CST: It has been three days since the embryo transfer. A lot of posts we've read mentioned that this 2ww (two week wait) is one of the most anxious and stressful times throughout the process. So far, it actually hasn't been bad. We find ourselves inventing ways to keep ourselves more occupied to not get caught in a pitfalls of 'what if's' and 'what nexts'. I have been working ridiculously long hours, going to the gym, reading, blogging... Robbie has been cooking elaborate homemade dinners, working, and keeping the house far cleaner than I've ever seen it. Anything to keep ourselves from becoming idle and beginning to let our thoughts wander...

It's interesting that throughout this process, many professionals had been surprised by how close we are to Jessie. Our impression has been that most intended parents are selecting a surrogate as a business relationship, and are not at all personally engaged with the surrogate. As first time intended parents ourselves, we were very fortunate that we spent a great deal of time discerning the right surrogate arrangement for us. We could not have asked for a more appropriate match for us, and are very fortunate to have crossed paths with Jessie (also a first time surrogate). This journey has been interesting, comical, amusing, and very dear to us - all stemming from a match that was right from the start.

Getting back to the 2ww (two week wait)... So we feel we made an appropriate match with Jessie in this process, and trust her guidance. Knowing this, how could we be overly anxious and stressed? We are excited about a positive beta test, if not now, then sometime soon, and we know everything is being done to reach that point... In the meantime, we acknowledge that there are things no one can control, and we just try to enjoy this journey.

Return to St. Louis

2/1/2010 10:50PM CST:

Photo of me (Mike) and our surrogate Jessie having fun on Friday night 1/22/2010 in the Castro at the Twin Peaks bar.

I made it back to St. Louis safely and already miss the California weather. It was a nice welcome to come back to an immaculately cleaned home, thanks to Robbie. As I was stepping off the plane, I received a voicemail from our embryologist, Deborah. The embryos had finished incubating. At this point, we have now transferred two to our GS, and we have 12 blastocysts frozen in reserve. But to quote our embryologist, "the goal is not to have a lot of frozen embryos - it is to have a successful pregnancy." It's nice to be home, unpacked, and back together after ten days apart, but I had a great time hanging out with our GS and her family. I will have to have her pick out her published name - it seems more fitting than saying "our GS" over and over. I added a short playlist for sticky-embryo-positive-thinking-extra-fertile thoughts.

We did all that?!?!?!?! No wonder we're tired.

2/1/2010 10:35AM PST

Bottom photo of me (Mike) and our gestation surrogate Jessie, taken during transfer.

Top photo of one of the RE/IVF doctors, taken from the perspective of Jessie during embryo transfer.

Sitting in the Sacramento Airport. Looking back over all events which have happened so far. Even though we did our homework on what the Gestational Surrogacy/Egg Donor process would involve - I don't think we had any idea of exactly how much work it would be!For those IP's that are soon to begin a GS journey, or for those GS's that aren't familiar with the steps an Intended Parent must take, I hope this helps. Hope this gives those in the discernment period some insight into the steps to take to begin the GS/ED journey.

January 2009-August 2009: Researched Traditional and Gestational Surrogacy. Decide to move ahead.

August 2009 - October 2009: Email and talk with several potential surrogates.

October 13, 2009: We first started talking with Jessie to explore moving ahead with her.

October 20, 2009: Full HIV/STD testing.

October 26, 2009: Full physical. Semen Analysis.

October 28, 2009: Officially decided to move ahead with Jessie.

October 30, 2009: Contacted attorneys. Request engagement letter.

November 6, 2009: Travel booked to fly and visit with Jessie, and first consultation with IVF Clinic.

November 9, 2009: Engagement letter and retainer paid to attorney. Drafts of Gestational Surrogacy Agreement begin.

November 24, 2009: First FDA full lab panel for me. GS begins taking birth control.

November 25, 2009: Final surrogacy agreement is completed.

November 30, 2009: Consultation with IVF doctor. GS has blood work, saline ultrasound. Egg donor is selected.

December 4, 2009: Fund Management Agreement is finalized with attorney. Trust fund established with attorney GS comp.

December 29, 2009: Meds are ordered/purchased from pharmacy for GS and ED.

December 30, 2009: ED physical, ultrasound, and FDA labs completed.

January 2, 2010: GS begins injectables.

January 4, 2010: ED Donor Insurance established. Treatment contracts completed with IVF center.

January 6, 2010: ED begins injections.

January 21, 2010: ED Cycle day, 9 day ultrasound: Doctor viewed 23 follicles.

January 22, 2010: GS has ultrasound of uterine lining. Uterus is in position, and lining looks ready for transfer. Travel to Sacramento, CA and GS meets there and drives to San Francisco, where we spend the weekend having fun!

January 24, 2010: ED has 11 day ultrasound: Doctor viewed 25 follicles. GS and me travel to Sacramento. IVF center is nearby.

January 26, 2010: Egg retrieval. Doctor able to retrieve 20 eggs from ED. All 20 eggs appear mature. Eggs are combined with sperm.

January 27, 2010: Confirmed: 17 eggs were fertilized succesfully.

January 29, 2010: I travel to Modesto, CA to stay near GS. IVF Doc and embryologist confirm that as of Day 3, we still have 17 viable embryos. 1 is at 10 cells, 15 are at 8 cells, and 1 is at 7 cells.

January 31, 2010: We transferred 2 embryos this morning that were in expanded blastocyst stage (120+ cells). We froze an additional 3 embryos this morning which were also expanded blastocysts. 12 embryos are still in incubation, and we hope to have at least 10 more expanded blastocysts to cryopreserve by Monday morning. Beta test scheduled for Monday, February 8, 2010.